How Connecting To Others Help Men Heal

Intro

Hey what’s happening?!!…

This is Isai Rodriguez… host of the DadSplanation Podcast where I cater to the Professional Working Man, 40 and above, who’s looking to make positive changes to his health, lose weight, and become stronger overall through simple lifestyle changes.

I’m here to share inspiration, tips and proven lessons that I’ve personally learned and lived through in my 40+ years on this beautiful blue planet.

So today we’ll start the discussion with Why your brain loves exercise in our first segment and then we’ll move on to our 2nd segment and answer the question How Connecting To Others Help Men Heal…

And before we get into that, if you’d like to continue the conversation, then get on over to podcast.dadsplanation.com/vip to get on the VIP Insider’s Community where I share more entertaining “behind-the-scenes” stories, tips, and hacks that’ll keep you feeling younger each and every day!

That’s podcast.dadsplanation.com/vip…

Again, that’s podcast.dadsplanation.com/vip… be in the know… starting right now

Also, don’t forget to rate me on Apple Podcasts… OR wherever it is you’re listening to this Episode… AND leave me a NICE… FAT… JUICY… 5-star-review and some absolutely beautiful words of why you love the show so much! It really helps me get the word out and it’s honestly the one place where your vote truly matters!

And now let’s move into our first segment… Healthy Conversations…

Healthy Conversations:  Why your brain loves exercise

Here’s something that shouldn’t come as a surprise to you…

Motivation is not in high supply these days…

But having said that, we have to ensure that we move a little bit each and every day.

And with the current pandemic and many of us working from the comfort of our homes… This is really becoming more important for us now than ever before.

So Dr. Wendy Suzuki (neuroscientist from NYU) who studies the neurological impacts of exercise says that just a walk around the block or a 10-minute online workout will not only improve your day but also benefit your brain in a lasting way.

She basically said that exercising to increase your fitness levels literally builds brand new brain cells.

Like it changes your brain’s anatomy, its physiology and its function.

Every time you work out, you are giving your brain a neurochemical bubble bath (as she referred to it) and these regular bubble baths can also help protect your brain in the long term from conditions like Alzheimer’s and dementia.

This sounds great. But it’s hard to turn those long-term benefits into motivation to get up and do something every day.

So it’s recommended that you start by thinking of exercise — or any movement — as part of your daily routine for caring for your body, like brushing your teeth.

Since most of us are currently in staying-alive-and-keeping-other-people-alive mode, getting toned, losing weight or looking different might not be such useful goals to have right now.

It’s more of the immediate benefits of exercise that can serve as motivators.

A single workout increases the mood boosting chemicals in your brain and can also improve your memory and focus for up to three hours afterwards.

Not only can this help you in your day-to-day work but it’s also incredibly good for your mental health.

And here’s what I mean… In August of last year (2020), Dr. Suzuki informally tested this out with a group of students in one of her NYU classes over Zoom.

These students (or participants) took a quick five-minute anxiety assessment and then she surprised them with a 10-minute workout.

After they exercised, the students took the assessment all over again.

What they found was that the first time they took that assessment, they were scoring at close to clinical anxiety levels.

After the 10-minute workout, their anxiety scores dropped to normal levels.

That is why you need to incorporate these bursts of activity in your day; it helps your mental health and it also helps your understanding.

So then… how much do you need to exercise in order to feel those benefits?

That’s the billion-dollar question.

Unfortunately, there’s no simple answer: 5 pushups or 10 burpees don’t automatically release a set amount of dopamine.

Fortunately there is a general recommendation.

It’s recommended you try fitting in 3-to-4, 30-minute exercise sessions a week.

But the real answer — especially now with the current state of the pandemic — is to exercise for as long as you can, ideally doing a little bit every day.

Even a simple daily walk can start to give you those neurotransmitting “happy chemicals” and killer mood benefits.

Many of the positive effects of exercise comes from doing cardio workouts — and to be clear… what I mean by “cardio” is basically any workout that gets your heart rate up.

That being said, this can be more accessible than what you may think.

So for instance, if you were to take your vacuum and really go to town… like really give your home or apartment a good, vigorous power vacuuming… this’ll get your heart pumping, even if you can’t go for a traditional run to elevate your heart rate.

If your apartment building has stairs, take them instead of an elevator.

Excellent workout actually…

And if you’re only on the 2nd floor, go up and down them several times before heading in.

Just be creative!

Even if you simply start with just a few minutes a day, it’s more than likely that you will end up increasing what you’re doing over time.

And that’s exactly Dr. Suzuki’s research lab tests have shown.

The more exercise you do — if you are successful at regularly exercising — the more motivation you gain.

And it’s tough sometimes to keep that routine but what I’ve found is to remember that good happy feeling you get at the end of the workout.

That’s what keeps me motivated.

I know that “Hey, if I go now and put in the work, I know that later I’m gonna be feeling good.”

And then there’s the question of “when is the best time to workout”…

… and to that I say “There is no right or wrong time to work out.”

Sure there are recommendations of working out in the morning when you have more energy or because you want to get that workout into your day before your day gets in the way.

The reality is this…

Anytime you feel like working out… Work out.

That’ll be more beneficial to you than trying to figure out when is “the best time”.

So whenever you find time, just do it (as Nike says, Just Do It), especially if you’re a parent with young children.

You need to find those pockets of time in your day where you can simply go for a walk or grab a mop or a vacuum and show your floors who’s the boss.

The important thing is to get in the work at least 3 to 4 times a week for 30 minutes at a time.

Me personally… I like to workout in the morning because that’s when I have the most energy and I find that by working out first thing in the morning, that energy, excitement, and overall “Happy Mood” that I get when the workout is over… that feeling carries over into my day and I feel more “on point”, more focused, and with a more positive outlook on everything I do.

But if you find that you’re most productive in the evenings, it might be a good time for you to workout.

Try to enhance the natural tendency you know you have…

And now… that’s all great and stuff, but what if you live in a small apartment with two kids and your neighbors will most certainly complain if you decide to do burpees at 10PM at night?

What would you do then?…

First off, if you’re listening and you’re in this exact situation, I’d love to hear your solution…

Drop me a quick line down in the comments and let me know what you think!

Because listen… these days there’s truly zero excuse.

Here’s why… back in the day, the only real way to get in a workout was to get your behind to a gym and workout.

These days with the internet, social media, tools like Zoom and App platforms from all the major fitness labels…

… you can easily get in a great workout right from the comfort of your home.

And I’m not talking about Richard Simmons and his “Sweatin to the Oldies”…

My mother loved those workouts and so that was my first introduction to at home workouts but anyway…

You have to learn to embrace all the available options.

Keep an open mind and find the ones that work best for your situation, both in length and type of exercise.

Because it’s not weird to work out in your living room.

It’s actually great. It’s so convenient. And honestly, I love it!

There’s a certain “social” aspect to working out at an actual gym but when you can’t make it there, I’m telling you… give the online training platforms a chance.

Heck, I have friends that somehow, somewhere found workout DVD’s to get them through the pandemic.

Where there’s a will there’s a way, right? Aint that the saying?

And it’s so true… like I said… Just do it.

In fact… One of the most prolific areas of online fitness right now (believe it or not) is on TikTok.

There are so many coaches and personal trainers sharing workouts for all body types and living situations.

Shoot! My wife had a nice group of followers when the pandemic first started a year ago and she was offering Zoom Dance Fitness sessions for free for her loyal followers.

No traveling involved… safe in your own home… it’s great!

And so, with that said… Let’s move on to our SECOND segment… “Mighty Man”

Mighty Man:  How Connecting To Others Help Men Heal

So gentlemen… and you beautiful, lovely, and classy ladies that stand behind your gentlemen… we’re talking about “having something to live for” and how that helps you heal and be all the man you can be…

So when you truly connect with others… meaning and purpose just sorta flow naturally in your life.

As you know… this beautiful world we live in continues to twist and turn, sending us individually and collectively spiralling out of control if you’re not grounded.

All the crazy news last year and earlier this year at the capitol (whether you’re on the right or the left, I’m not gonna get into that)… but all the news continuously sends us up a slippery slope… up the river in a boat with no engine and no paddles.

It’s insane… and as it does so, it can be more and more difficult to get a hold of our bearings… to ground ourselves… to remain solid and sure footed (mentally speaking of course).

When everything seems to be changing around us at the speed of light, we often feel a sense of confusion about how we fit in or why we’re even here to begin with.

This lack of clarity around our purpose for being here generally gives us a sense of uncertainty… feelings of helplessness… or even some nasty thoughts that we’re worthless.

And while this couldn’t be further from the truth, sometimes we need our environment to reflect back to us and tell us that that we matter.

The good news is this… when LIFE doesn’t offer us a clear purpose, we can create one.

Sure… Sometimes we need support to get started with this purpose… but that’s OK!

Simply by reaching out and connecting to others, we can likely see our purpose start to unfold right in front of our eyes.

One way to do this is by joining a men’s group.

Me personally… besides my immediate family (wife, kids, etc), I’ve found this “sense of purpose”… this “sense of belonging”… I found it at the gym…

More specifically, I’ve found it in group classes where there’s a good mix of gender, ages, ethnicities, and things.

And not to get too far off the topic but there’s a common and elegant pattern that happens when a man wakes up from his suffering… or this cloud of uncertainty they’re walking around in… and chooses to take action by joining a group.

When men start to get it together (which often simply means asking for help), they naturally begin to orient toward showing up for others, bringing them connection, meaning, and a reason to get out of bed every day.

There have been clear patterns that emerge from long-term men’s groups that have been documented.

And it goes a little something like this:

A man gets a wake-up call from something in his personal life…

Some area in his life is breaking down: a marriage, a career, his body, or maybe even his friendships or other family relationships.

He realizes his coping mechanisms, habits, his mindset, and state of consciousness… they’re just not cutting it anymore… they’re simply not doing the trick.

Then he shows up… He stumbles into a men’s group, often encouraged by a loved one.

Getting help and opening up are generally very uncomfortable, but the relief he feels and the results gets front this group interaction are often fast and noticeable.

He starts to settle down.

He does his work…

And over time, he gets his sh*t together.

His mental state improves…

His emotional state improves…

And oftentimes, his physical health improves and normalizes.

Maybe even a professional move is made that’s a better fit for him.

Relationships improve, and there’s more stability in the life all around him.

This can take months or even years to become totally centered but he realizes that he’s OK…

And let me tell you… This is a great moment in a man’s life.

A sense of belonging starts to come to life.

He naturally starts to wonder “what’s next?” and now being a part of the group starts to feel less impactful.

But then he realizes how much he has to offer others.

He gets feedback that he’s able to truly be there for the other men in his group and that, in itself, extends into his own personal life at home and at work.

The impact and meaning of this realization… this “Aha” moment… they’re often HUGE… massive… and they begin a new paradigm or reason for why he shows up to his men’s group and how he lives his life.

He aligns his life in a new way. A different way. One with purpose…

Now this doesn’t mean he quits his job, donates all of his stuff to charity, and goes off to live with monks (although I suppose it could) but what it really means is that there’s a new fuel source at the center of his decisions and actions.

A fire has essentially been lit under his ass and a sense of being part of something… something Larger… runs through his life like the electrical current that runs through power lines and gives life to all of your technology at home, right now.

What this pattern shows is something that I’ve personally believed in with my whole being…

When men are OK, or even just close to OK, our natural tendency is to support and serve others. This sense of service seems to bring with it a deeper sense of meaning.

This is a great thing in my honest, humble, and still accurate opinion.

We depend on each other

This process is basically evolutionary.

We may forget or feel differently in our current world but we humans are hardwired to seek comfort in others… We need each other.

All of us.

The survival of our species has always depended on our togetherness.

And a natural part of that togetherness is giving and receiving support. Being there for each other. Lifting each other up.

For men, this is a critical message today.

We’re certainly making headway with the old stereotypes and stigmas, but the stoic-and-isolated-man archetype still lingers heavily in our minds, hearts, and habits.

Just look at the current mental health stats… They’re clear and show the realities of this disconnection and isolation many men accept as their reality.

One of the most powerful levers men can pull to stay mentally healthy is simply having a sense of purpose and meaning in their lives.

We men need to feel necessary.

This isn’t just a fairytale.

A powerful study shows that purpose has a positive impact on longevity and decreases the probability of death.

Think about that…

When you have something to live for (mentally and spiritually speaking), you literally have something to live for on a physical level.

But here’s the thing… when it comes to purpose, men often get stuck in a trap of comparison.

Men will feel they need some heroic and dramatic life purpose that impresses people and gives them value.

The reality is that the purpose that most of us need is simple yet profound.

Just being able to truly be there for a friend, a family member, or even a close co-worker can be enough purpose to fuel your life, indefinitely.

And now here’s a huge tip for you…

I suggest not looking at meaning and purpose from the lens of social media comparisons but from the lens of the people closest to us.

When we’re able to truly connect with those around us, meaning and purpose flow in a simple, natural, and human ways.

And now… How do we cultivate purpose?

It can be as simple as these three steps I’m about to give you but of course, these steps will take some introspection, a little commitment, and a dash of self-reflection.

Get to know who you actually are

When you combine introspection with honesty… this is a powerful combination.

We spend so much of our lives taking information in, but the truth of who we are is nowhere else but inside our own life experience.

Journaling, meditating, and spending time in nature are excellent for this.

And (while we’re at it) you can’t beat a good therapist or a solid men’s group.

Learn to truly connect with others

So the ability to be vulnerable and deeply connected is a primal skillset that each of us already has installed. We might just need to reboot it and then get some reps in at the tym to build up that “connection to others” muscle.

As humans… again, we’re social mammals… Our relationships are primary.

They’re priority… They’re our source of meaning…

So we need to learn to connect and when we do… Meaning will be right around the corner.

Learn to honor what you want

Now what do we mean by this?

Well… Have you noticed how there are memes flying around inter-web that basically say that selfish is the new selfless…

There’s actually something to that. There’s a little truth behind these statements.

And for a lot of good reasons actually…

Men are often conditioned or accustomed to putting their needs and wants last.

If this is the case, there’s great benefit to reestablishing a trusting relationship with what you want.

To a certain degree, you want to be a little selfish… And here’s what I mean…

You want to set your boundaries first… establish those limits of “acceptability” in your life (AND not sure if that’s an actual word, but it sounds good so I’m running with it)…

But basically, look after yourself first… not to the exclusion of all others… don’t be narcissistic but definitely take care of yourself first because if you don’t, then you won’t be able to give anything to anyone else.

This is like when you’re about to take off on a plane and the flight attendants come into the isle and they’re giving all the “in the event of an emergency” safety instructions…

And when they get to the part about placing your oxygen masks on… they say something to the effect of “make sure to secure your own mask before you try to help others”…

Why is that?…

It’s because if you don’t help yourself first, you’re going to be of No Help to anyone else.

And this is the same concept we’re talking about here…

You have to look after yourself first before you can look after and care for others.

This goes for both the big and grand issues in your life like the intricate connections we make in our different relationships as well as, what’s for lunch.

And listen…

There’s no time like the present to get started with all of this…

There’s a straightforward path here.

A sense of meaning and purpose makes us healthier and happier.

Giving back gives us that sense of purpose.

This isn’t rocket science here, my friends.

Now it just takes a moment of inspiration and motivation because to be honest, there’s plenty of help needed on this beautiful blue planet of ours these days.

Consider this a nudge, Fellas!

Wink… Wink…

Closing

That’s it you guys… That’s my show for today!

I hope you found some valuable information here and if nothing else, I hope I’ve entertained you for a few minutes and was able to bring a little man-ly sunshine to your day.

Thanks for taking some time out of your day to listen to me… it’s very much appreciated!

On next week’s episode, we’ll be talking about How To Turn Ordinary Core Exercises Into Full-On Ab Sculpting Cardio Workouts so you definitely don’t want to miss out on that!

And if you’d like to continue the conversation with me, then get on over to podcast.dadsplanation.com/vip to get on the VIP Insider’s community where I share even more “raw-behind-the-scenes” stories, tips, and hacks that’ll keep you feeling younger and younger… each and every day!

That’s podcast.dadsplanation.com/vip…

Again, that’s podcast.dadsplanation.com/vip… be in the know… starting right now!

Also, don’t forget to rate me on Apple Podcasts… OR wherever it is you’re listening to this Episode… AND leave me a NICE… FAT… JUICY… 5-star-review and some absolutely beautiful words of why you love the show so much!

It really helps me get the word out and it’s honestly the one place where your vote truly matters!

Until our next chat… Take care!